The Business of Marriage: Is It Worth The Investment?

Given that relationships are what many people would consider to be naturally occurring phenomena, it makes sense that there is a natural progression that they move through as they develop from dating all the way through to whatever the end is. There is a natural step-by-step process for all relationships, no one can deny that; what some people do seem willing to dispute is exactly what those steps are. There is the dating one, which is inevitable; there is the sexual phase, which is admittedly dependent on how long you’re with the person, but in this instance we’re addressing long-term relationships so again, sex is inevitable; what comes after this? That’s where the room for debate appears.

Do people move in together? Do they have children? And the big, intimidating and life-changing question that so many people are terrified of answering… do they get married?

When I was 9 years old, my mum picked me up from school one day and told me that my dad wouldn’t be coming home. After nearly 22 years of marriage, three children and a lot of other stuff in between, my dad wasn’t going to be coming home. Ever again. I’m not sure who took it harder: my mum was fairly cut up about the whole situation, my sister was angry, and I didn’t really understand. A time came in my life where I understood exactly what had happened: My dad had bailed on his family. That harsh reality forced me to come to the conclusion that marriage was not only a pointless exercise, but also something that I would never choose to engage in myself.

It’s 10 years this year since my dad made an exit from his marriage and my life, and although I’m still sceptical on marriage, I’m a lot more open-minded than I used to be. I’m not about to skip into town and start trying on wedding dresses – and, to be honest, I cringe at the thought – but I’m open to the idea that maybe some people can make marriage work. When I first entertained this idea my plan was to include an example of a marriage that has worked; the only one I could think of was my grandparents, who are from an age in history where getting divorced was a shameful business, so I’m not entirely sure they’re a valid example of how marriage can last when really, they didn’t seem to have much of a choice. Nevertheless I’m optimistic that somewhere out there, there is a happily married couple (and no, newlyweds most definitely do not count)…

After a frantic search I’m still drawing a blank. Something I did find particularly interesting was an article online regarding Myleene Class and her recent split from her husband. You’re probably wondering why I chose this particular story. The reason for my choice is that her and her husband have only been married for six months, but have actually been together for eleven years prior to their marriage. They have two children, a wonderful home and they had a relatively happy relationship. So what went wrong? Marriage. That’s what went wrong.

Have you heard of the expression, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it”? A modern twist on that seems to be, “If it’s not broken, don’t marry it.” And this brings me back to the opening ideas of this article: While there are many natural steps people take when they’re in a relationship, does marriage have to be one of them? You might think I’m cynical, but I personally think I’m just being a realist. Marriage might seem like a brilliant idea at the time, but if it’s the difference between owning a ring and a divorce certificate or not wearing a ring and being in a happy relationship then surely NOT getting married is the best idea? Okay, you might be one of those people that manages to have a good marriage and not get divorced, but with divorce rates growing, are you willing to take the risk? It’s not as simple as signing a piece of paper anymore, marriage has outgrown the purpose of a relationship status and turned into an outright lifestyle choice due to the fierce impact it has on so many things.

A lot of people are likely to disagree with me, and maybe one day in the future I’ll disagree with the arguments I’ve made here and decide that marriage is something I’d like to try, with the right person. Although it does seem fair to conclude this article with a thoughtful idea: No, marriage isn’t for everyone, but for the people who decide to try it, think about what you’re getting yourself into before you go swapping rings and signing papers.

Written by Charley Barnes

Does Monogamy Really Exist?

Monogamy, as the relationship where two people stay committed to each other sexually and romantically at the same period of time, is an underpinning feature of society and has a weight of tradition thrust upon its shoulders. But are those shoulders starting to ache now?

UK law is partially helping to prop it up with bigamy being illegal. In fact there is only one US state where it is legal (Utah) and it is only really acceptable within the Muslim community, but even then a Muslim man would only be allowed one wife while living in the UK.  “Why on earth would someone want more than one mother-in-law?” Some would exclaim with somewhat flabbergasted facial expressions. Who knows.

But what is becoming more and more apparent is that monogamy seems to collide with our biological need for sex. Due to our primitive roots men, genetically and historically, want to pro-create with as many women as possible to give their genes the most spread. This obviously conflicts with the notion of a faithful exclusive relationship. Certainly if you tune into The Jeremy Kyle show there is plenty of evidence to suggest that extra-marital sex is an ever-present phenomena and perhaps if human beings were designed for complete monogamy then these people would “Keep it in their trousers” as the no-nonsense TV host would say. In addition to this, the growing number of footballers and celebrities who struggle to stay loyal will also further perpetuate adultery to continue with your children when they’re older. So as large sectors of society step away from religion’s strong hold over their moral compasses and we become more liberal and open to doing as we please without feeling that we are under scrutiny from a god who will surely punish us for not staying faithful, along with the amalgamation of the other factors stated, the pillars on which monogamy stands are cracking and crumbling catastrophically quickly.

In a study from 2009 by Dr David Holmes, a psychologist from Manchester Metropolitan University, it was suggested that 20% of males admit to cheating and 15% of females admit to it. And bear in mind that the other 75% of males and 85% of females in the study may be guilty too but just chose not to admit to it. Whilst the results are obtained by anonymous computer surveys, that still doesn’t stop people giving false answers. It’s even estimated by Buss and Shackelford that 30%-60% of married individuals cheat. Perhaps you or someone you know has ‘done the dirty’. And as society progresses, swingers parties and inviting a third party into the sexual relationship is becoming increasingly acceptable. It is becoming undeniably clear that marriage and monogamy may be a social construct that is in fact at war with our biological instincts.

There are many reasons for being unfaithful.  According to a marriage counsellor from Texas, “When you first meet someone there’s an increase in the brain of chemical known as phenylethylanine”. This chemical wears off after around 2 years of being with someone though. So, naturally, there is an urge to find that chemical which is linked to excitement and that inevitably leads to some finding it with a person outside of their marriage for some.

This issue seems so deeply rooted that even if we don’t commit the act of cheating, we may still be thinking/fantasizing about it.  Whilst this is less harmful than sexual infidelity, you could label it intellectual infidelity. And whilst many people won’t have a problem with their other half dreaming about being with someone else (after all, it’s only a meaningless fantasy, right?), it could lead to physical infidelity and even if it does stay as merely thoughts and not physical actions, would every single human being in a relationship be ‘a-okay’ with their partner desiring someone else? The only thing stopping a person making a particular dream a reality may be the concept of monogamy, meaning that the person is not fulfilling themselves. Hicks and Leitenberg found that 80% of married women admit to fantasizing about someone other than their husbands. Again, the other 20% may not be admitting to it as opposed to genuinely not fantasizing about someone else.


Dear reader, I am not saying monogamy is bad. In fact, I think the exact opposite. But with overwhelming scientific evidence into the validity of monogamy I would say that, despite it being ideal, it is at its most fragile and the immediate defence of the concept of monogamy can be/has been construed as insecurity and denial over such fragility. Social normalities are at war with what’s encoded in our DNA and it seems that the battle is greater than ever.

Written by Callum Anger

Welcome to OUR World

Hello to all the readers out there,

I thought I would make my return to blogging after more than a year out to introduce this new blog.

The "Our World" Community is a community of pages on Facebook that has grown exponentially over the past few months and nothing has made me prouder than to see it develop from what was just one small page to now a community of more than 18 pages on Facebook, run by a huge 81 administrators and amassing more than 100,000 fans.

The goal for us is to establish our own little corner of the internet as, when the time comes, we will be building a new website from the ground up to bring you diverse and interesting contributions from people all across the world. This blog is, in some ways, an introduction to that concept as some of our administrators will be making interesting contributions on anything and everything that is of interest to them, and what will no doubt be of interest to you.

We pride ourselves on the diversity of not just the people behind the scenes who help keep the community running, but also our fans. We want this blog to reflect that diversity of interests and ideas and will be inviting our fans to, where they see fit, make their own contributions to it, to get their ideas out there to a wider audience, to let the world know what they think, to say "this is my world."

Any blogs you see from me will primarily be political in nature, as that is one of my primary interests, though like most people, I have other interests. Alongside politics, I also enjoy gaming, watching a good film, or even enjoying a good comic book. This is "Our World" and these are our interests and our opinions. If you agree or disagree with anything posted on this blog, we're not only open to you sending in your own contribution, but we encourage you to do so.

While our personal opinions may clash with yours on many subjects, we are always willing to allow you to say your piece, and we hope you will allow us to say ours.

Steve