UK law is partially helping to prop it up with bigamy being illegal. In fact there is only one US state where it is legal (Utah) and it is only really acceptable within the Muslim community, but even then a Muslim man would only be allowed one wife while living in the UK. “Why on earth would someone want more than one mother-in-law?” Some would exclaim with somewhat flabbergasted facial expressions. Who knows.
But what is becoming more and more apparent is that monogamy seems to collide with our biological need for sex. Due to our primitive roots men, genetically and historically, want to pro-create with as many women as possible to give their genes the most spread. This obviously conflicts with the notion of a faithful exclusive relationship. Certainly if you tune into The Jeremy Kyle show there is plenty of evidence to suggest that extra-marital sex is an ever-present phenomena and perhaps if human beings were designed for complete monogamy then these people would “Keep it in their trousers” as the no-nonsense TV host would say. In addition to this, the growing number of footballers and celebrities who struggle to stay loyal will also further perpetuate adultery to continue with your children when they’re older. So as large sectors of society step away from religion’s strong hold over their moral compasses and we become more liberal and open to doing as we please without feeling that we are under scrutiny from a god who will surely punish us for not staying faithful, along with the amalgamation of the other factors stated, the pillars on which monogamy stands are cracking and crumbling catastrophically quickly.
In a study from 2009 by Dr David Holmes, a psychologist from Manchester Metropolitan University, it was suggested that 20% of males admit to cheating and 15% of females admit to it. And bear in mind that the other 75% of males and 85% of females in the study may be guilty too but just chose not to admit to it. Whilst the results are obtained by anonymous computer surveys, that still doesn’t stop people giving false answers. It’s even estimated by Buss and Shackelford that 30%-60% of married individuals cheat. Perhaps you or someone you know has ‘done the dirty’. And as society progresses, swingers parties and inviting a third party into the sexual relationship is becoming increasingly acceptable. It is becoming undeniably clear that marriage and monogamy may be a social construct that is in fact at war with our biological instincts.
There are many reasons for being unfaithful. According to a marriage counsellor from Texas, “When you first meet someone there’s an increase in the brain of chemical known as phenylethylanine”. This chemical wears off after around 2 years of being with someone though. So, naturally, there is an urge to find that chemical which is linked to excitement and that inevitably leads to some finding it with a person outside of their marriage for some.
This issue seems so deeply rooted that even if we don’t commit the act of cheating, we may still be thinking/fantasizing about it. Whilst this is less harmful than sexual infidelity, you could label it intellectual infidelity. And whilst many people won’t have a problem with their other half dreaming about being with someone else (after all, it’s only a meaningless fantasy, right?), it could lead to physical infidelity and even if it does stay as merely thoughts and not physical actions, would every single human being in a relationship be ‘a-okay’ with their partner desiring someone else? The only thing stopping a person making a particular dream a reality may be the concept of monogamy, meaning that the person is not fulfilling themselves. Hicks and Leitenberg found that 80% of married women admit to fantasizing about someone other than their husbands. Again, the other 20% may not be admitting to it as opposed to genuinely not fantasizing about someone else.
Dear reader, I am not saying monogamy is bad. In fact, I think the exact opposite. But with overwhelming scientific evidence into the validity of monogamy I would say that, despite it being ideal, it is at its most fragile and the immediate defence of the concept of monogamy can be/has been construed as insecurity and denial over such fragility. Social normalities are at war with what’s encoded in our DNA and it seems that the battle is greater than ever.
Written by Callum Anger
